Anna Nicholas

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A Touch of Frost

It was with a mixture of sympathy and amusement that I observed Hillary Clinton’s snappy, frustrated outburst in the Congo when a student somewhat unwisely asked for her husband’s opinion on an economic matter. Thoroughly irritated that her husband’s and not her own opinion, was being sought, she chose to remind the hapless chap that it was she who was...

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Hello Brolly

As a surprise for the Scotsman and our son, Ollie, I booked tickets at Regent’s park open air theatre to see the musical, Hello Dolly. Imagine our distress when en route, without umbrella, the skies darkened and it began to pour with rain. Desperately I rang the theatre by mobile only to be told that we still had to pitch...

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A Pig called Ginger

There has been much excitement about a pig named Ginger naughtily gobbling down a diamond which he ripped from the ring of a female visitor to his sty in Yorkshire. Now his unlucky owner, farmer Paul Cargyll, is having to monitor the pig’s movements-literally- to see if the diamond might be expelled from its system. Whether there is hope of...

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Sins of the Mothers

There’s been an uncomfortable reaction in the UK to the release of identity of the three abusers in the now infamous Baby P child murder case. Looking into the faces of these three brutal, twisted and sadistic individuals, it is hard to imagine that they could be capable of such unimaginable evil. Granted, with their low brows, blank expressions and...

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On a Wing and a Prayer

The holiday season begins and there’s always a frisson of excitement on the day, making sure everything’s packed, and that the passports and e-tickets are carefully stowed away ready for departure. In the past little thought was given to the sort of problems that might occur during the trip, other than a delay, burst tyre, an amusing mishap or misunderstanding...

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A Little Spoon of Humble Pie

Sorry, but I don’t have a great deal of sympathy for the celebrity chefs who have quite suddenly found themselves on a downward spiral due to the current recession. For years the likes of foul mouthed, utterly repellant Gordon Ramsey, thought they could walk on water, charging ludicrous amounts for incredibly pretentious food at mediocre restaurants in the Capital. Now,...

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Day of the Druids

How touching it is to learn that Mr Pardy, the pagan policeman in Hertfordshire, has won his case to take special druid holidays annually on Halloween and the summer solstice. This will no doubt open the doors to all sorts of other requests for special treatment such as those police officers showing werewolf tendencies who will no doubt be granted...

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Flu Fever

It’s a relief to know that one of the nation’s beloved heroines, Cherie Blair, has had no problem in obtaining generous quantities of Tamiflu to treat her swine flu virus. If only the rest of the nation had such luck. Much as we hear gushing tales from the NHS that it is well equipped to deal with a major...

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Orange Fest in Sóller

All foodies and lovers of fine dining, make haste to the Sóller Valley over the next two weeks where the Festival of Taronjas, oranges to you and me, is kicking off today in Sóller’s main plaça. From 9.30 until 14.00, there will be cooking demonstrations using citrus fruits by acclaimed television chef, Aina Burgos, and local Sóller gourmets. Meanwhile stalls...

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Boris Makes A Splash

It’s difficult to resist a smile at the video clip that’s been doing the rounds showing London Mayor, Boris Johnson, falling over in a river in Lewisham where he was promoting a litter clean up campaign. One minute he’s smiling cheerfully at the camera, rubbish sack in hand, the next he slips backwards, bringing a hapless female volunteer with him...

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Blowing A Big Strawberry!

It’s been a blissfully Elf & Safety free time but now news reaches me from Cornwall that has shattered the calm. A famed strawberry farm owned by the same family for 40 years has been forced to close its ‘pick your own’ business by bumptious little E&S officials. Annually, generations of locals have descended on the farm in Cornwall to...

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When Push Comes To Shove

The expenses witch hunt, though undeniably fun and fairly exhilarating for a few days, has surely begun to lose its shine? The pillorying of errant, smug and unscrupulous MPs and Ministers hung out to dry in their local constituencies was great sport at the beginning, but has now become rather yawn worthy. Such legions have committed offences and are falling...

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Goodbye Amigo

I don’t know about talented Brits, but I have just met the most extraordinarily talented young singer in my own town of Sóller. Some of you may remember my sad account of the death of Tyler, the 19 year old son of our friends Antonia and Albert Engle, who was killed by a tourist performing an illegal u-turn in the...

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Britain's Got No Heart

For the last few weeks the media has been in a complete frenzy about the talent show, Britain’s Got Talent. True, I am the Rip Van Winkle of the mountains when it comes to TV but even I have heard of the show and-dare I admit it-watched a clip of Susan Boyle on You Tube. I haven’t gone as far...

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Poetic Justice

Poetic Justice
Despite the unpleasant whiff of sabotage surrounding the appointment of Professor of Poetry at Oxford University, there is an upside. Without the sniping, backbiting and appalling behaviour of at least one of the contenders, there wouldn’t have been such wholesale press coverage and the world of poetry would not have been put at the top of the agenda....

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A clinical view

Like many, our son suffered the dreaded gripe, flu, after Christmas and in a panic late one night, we rushed to the local 24 hour clinic for a medical assessment. Ollie had a raging temperature and we wanted reassurance from a doctor. I also worried that he might have malaria symptoms from our recent trip to Sri Lanka. Treated courteously...

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Mutton Dressed up as lamb

Much as we hear of ludicrous policies set down by supermarkets, the best surely has to be with regard to underage drinking. Tesco now has a blanket policy across all its outlets dictating that anyone buying alcohol must show identity. In Harlow in Essex recently two pensioners of 68 and 70 years old respectively were banned from purchasing a bottle...

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Shops in Peril

In London recently I was not so surprised by the huge number of January sales nibbling treacherously at the edges of February, but more by the sheer volume of retail outlets closing down. The shops disappearing off the high street are not the sell-em-cheap, pile-em-high brigade but the rattle the jewellery fraternity. Half of Burlington Arcade is now full of...

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Kelly Quits

One of the wonders on my return from Borneo was discovering that Gordon Brown had neither quitted government nor been admitted to a psychiatric wing. So far so surprising. Meanwhile one of his goody two shoes, right hand women, Ruth Kelly, had thrown in the towel, and frankly could you blame her? As transport minister I’m not sure how effective...

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Women in Power

A recent survey apparently reveals that women hate working for female bosses. Now whether this was funded by an obscure misogynist circle I cannot say but it did have me pondering about my experiences working for women. In truth I only ever had two female bosses and both were rather controlling and at times paranoiac. However one has to look...

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Ignorant Bliss in Borneo

We were sitting in the midst of a vast rainforest when one of our tribe arrived with some importance to tell us that he’d just heard faintly on the BBC Radio World Service that Lehman Brothers and fellow Wall Street giant Merrill Lynch had been kicked into touch. We looked at each other and shrugged. ‘Oh well,’ someone said....

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A Weighty Problem

I see that my chum, the good Baroness Buscombe, chief executive of the Advertising Association, is throwing her weight (no pun intended) behind the government’s new health initiative to stamp out obesity. Although I’m not for nannying of any kind, it is commendable that the advertising industry is attempting to unite the commercial sector to jointly tackle the problem with...

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When the chips are down

‘Oh dear. This passport’s had its chips.’
The nice Gatwick airport official who’s examining my dog eared and disintegrating passport, is clicking her teeth.
‘Use it a lot?’
‘All the time.’ My voice cracks with desperation.
‘The magnetic strip’s torn. Better get it renewed as soon as you’re back in Mallorca.’
I’ve been shunted into my own space away from...

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A Sporting Chance

It came as no surprise that a school in the UK has banned sports day for fear of one of the children stumbling on loose mud or twisting an ankle on a random mole hill. It is indeed laughable but England has become such a nanny state that this sort of utter tosh is now the norm. Long gone are...

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I'm Alright Says Tom!

Why is it that politicians never learn when to keep their traps shut? If things weren’t bad enough for our Gordie, he now has his rubber-band mouth Transport Minister, Tom Harris, lecturing the nation on how lucky they are. With food bills up, house prices sliding into oblivion, pay rises below inflation and petrol costs going through the roof, this...

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A Non-Human War

Some months ago I contacted a raft of global animal charities about a story of a mistreated street dog in Brazil which countless friends had asked me to investigate. Most organisations were hugely helpful and one in particular sent me regular news and then began sending me updates on animal cruelty worldwide. It’s an outfit based in the States and...

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Lonely Freedom Fighter

All hail David Davis! The man is a veritable God. For once a politician has had the guts and garters to stand up for what he believes in. I have always thought Mr Davis rather grey and mousy but no, he is a true lion in rodent clothing. May Gordon and his ghastly nannying team quake in their boots as...

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Getting Crabby

Much as I rarely agree with our nannying government poking its nose in our daily affairs, I do have a little sympathy with Norfolk Coast Partnership for its concern about the plight of crabs caught by children on beaches. My sister and I used to go crabbing in Wales and we rarely caught more than a few and always returned...

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Hats off to Defiant Students

Yet another absurd health and safety ruling has popped up, this time regarding the throwing of mortar boards on university graduation day. Anglia Ruskin University has demanded that students refrain from hurling their black hats in the air when they celebrate passing their degrees for fear someone might get hurt as the hats descend. It does have the air of...

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Maoists & Monarchy

The death of 240 years of monarchy rule in Nepal should come as no surprise. It was in June 2001 that the then-Crown Prince, Dipendra, murdered ten of his close family, causing chaos and uncertainty for the country. His uncle, the current king, Gyanendra, took over the throne and has had a choppy ride ever since. When I was last...

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Heart of Stone

There are few things worse than a fool sounding off on a subject he knows nothing about except perhaps when it comes to a Hollywood icon spouting on world affairs. Gabbling breathlessly at the Cannes film festival, actress Sharon Stone surmised that the devastating earthquake in China which has claimed countless lives, was probably due to China’s Karma. In a...

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Don't Cry for Me London!

If anyone thought Ken Livingstone would be weeping with his newts having lost the mayoral race, they can think again. Within a few weeks of defeat, our Ken is happy again having managed to secure hugely lucrative after dinner speaking contracts with a top London firm. He is rumoured to have secured more than £100,000 in speaking fees already. Unlike...

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Willie Won't He?

So, thumbs up to Willie Walsh, chief executive of British Airways for snubbing a ten percent bonus of £700,000, to indicate his remorse for the extraordinary fiasco that unrolled at the opening of Terminal 5. It would be foolish to imagine Willie didn’t want the dosh. His canny reasoning for not taking the money was that he’d have been eaten...

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Zero Tolerance on Knife Crime

We’ve heard it all before but Boris Johnson and the Metropolitan Police genuinely seem to have taken the bull by the horns and decided to get tough on crime in the Capital. While Ken Livingstone sat in his ivory tower ignoring the violence erupting on London’s streets, new Mayor Boris has put his money where his mouth is. For anyone...

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Paris, Posh and Nature's Wrath

A newspaper headline hit my computer screen this week. Both Posh Spice and Paris Hilton would be vying for attention in London’s hot spots as Posh touted her new line of flared jeans at Harrods and Paris, her new fragrance at Selfridges. A pair of images appeared of both air headed and talent-less women sporting thick makeup, anorexic skeletal frames...

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Ramsey the food tsar

It always seems incredibly bad taste for one super chef to sound off about another, and none more so than in the case of bruiser Gordon Ramsey, who as self appointed food Tsar of Britain, has lambasted Delia Smith for giving the thumbs up to tinned food, and other chefs for using vegetables and fruit out of season. Ramsey believes...

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Jacqui Jobsworth

One of Gordon Brown’s biggest mistakes was awarding the post of Home Secretary to the ineffectual and dreary Jacqui Smith whose robotic voice could challenge that of a Dalek in any voiceover competition. Time and time again she has made embarrassing gaffes and naïve, contradictory statements which show just how out of touch the government really is about the state...

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Boris on a Roll

It’s hard not to get caught up in the excitement of what is happening in London with bouncy Boris Johnson at the helm. Much as it’s the glorious honeymoon period for the new Mayor of London, one has to admire his shrewd early moves which are impressing Londoners across the Capital. He has already appointed a tier of bright, no-nonsense,...

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Booting out Mugabe

With any luck Robert Mugabe may soon be deposed as president of Zimbabwe, and not before time. As with so many of these self-appointed despots, Mugabe’s bloody and ruinous twenty-eight year reign has left his once prosperous country depleted, exhausted and economically unviable. If new political blood is permitted to enter the fray in the form of Morgan Tsvangirai much...

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Pregnant Males

When I saw the headline ‘Pregnant Male’, my eyes did swivel back to the newspaper page for fear I’d misread it. If a human male really was going to give birth, I could understand the sensation. The truth of this much hyped news story which broke on the American show, Oprah, is that Thomas Beatie is actually a woman who...

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Dumb Brummies

No doubt the Midlands will be in uproar over new findings showing Brummies to be regarded as the least trusted and intelligent of citizens in the UK. A study reveals that people with traditional Brummie accents are considered to be intellectually poor, given to criminal tendencies and lacking in imagination. I’m no Brummie but I take great exception to this...

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Face off

Having spent endless cash on breast implants, botox, collagen and cutting and pasting body parts to enhance their general appearance, it seems that Hollywood sirens are now desperately reversing their surgical procedures. Yes, just as plastic and aesthetic surgery has been all the rage, the new craze is to get one’s body back to normal. The fickle and superficial world...

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Swinging Balls

Yet more PR political puff is revealed in the study showing that a quarter of all children between eight and ten have never played outside of the home without adult supervision. Gosh, that’s a stunning revelation and it doesn’t take a NASA recruit to work out why that should be so.

Issuing the usual parsimonious and hollow media sound bites,...

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