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Friday June 5, 2009

When Push Comes To Shove

The expenses witch hunt, though undeniably fun and fairly exhilarating for a few days, has surely begun to lose its shine? The pillorying of errant, smug and unscrupulous MPs and Ministers hung out to dry in their local constituencies was great sport at the beginning, but has now become rather yawn worthy. Such legions have committed offences and are falling on their swords, may they RIP, that it’s hard to know who’s still with us. I’m not totally up to date but am fairly sure that there can’t be any MPs left in the house at present which means that the recess cannot come too soon. If the House of Commons has been abandoned perhaps it can be put to better and commercial use to see us through the recession. A theme park for example, or a new stage set for Britain’s Got Talent? Of course I’m being silly. Gordon’s still there belting out his poignant anthem, ‘I’m still standing’, while deflecting the knives from his party predators with a feeble ‘Et tu Brute?’ If all of Gordon Brown’s conspiratorial and nasty, backbiting little Labour colleagues had resigned en masse, as was wrongly predicted, it really would have made life much easier all round. It would have been the almighty shove needed to push Gordon out of office, allowing a general election to be held. Now it’s all a bit of a bore and we have to watch him die a slow and painful public death but then this is Britain. Reality TV is the name of the game and we, the spectators, the blood thirsty electorate, in Britain’s Got Malevolent, or Big Smother, can now dial in with our final NO votes as our leader plays out his final tragic act on the political stage.

It’s been a trying time for Gordie, not least learning that the eulogising judging panel was secretly plotting his downfall and ejection from the show. Take Hazel Blears, a diminutive judge he rated for her gaudy, lipsticky smile and high heels, now firmly pressing her NO buzzer. So-called big backer, James Purnell, slick, youthful leader of the panel, suddenly gave him the big thumbs down and tried to stage a walk out with the show’s entire crew while John Hutton, the tense and defensive member of the judging team offered him no solace, urging voters to throw Gordie off the programme. Despite the pressure, Gordon’s a stubborn contestant as we the electorate know and is convinced he’s the man for the mob, with his stunning debut of ‘I will survive’, on You Tube that had housewives and grown men weeping in the aisles….with laughter.

Only time can tell but hungry contestants on the show are queuing up for the big prize, a chance to play Prime Minister in front of HRH The Queen, at a special, one off gala performance in the House of Commons. We can all make a difference. The vote is ours. Ladies and Gentlemen, make that call or press your buzzers now.

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